My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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