OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
