someone get that fucking seahorse.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
