If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
