k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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