Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
