i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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