I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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