Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
