We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize