Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You just made me feel so damn special
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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