Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
