Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
