had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
