I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
