when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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