my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
