im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
