dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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