My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
