your thong is hanging out like whoa
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
