is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
