it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
