He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
