how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
