she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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