Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
