I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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