i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize