Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
