Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
