I bet he comes in French.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
