Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
