Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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