I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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