What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
