I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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