Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
