You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
