I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
