you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
