You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
