I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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