I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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