Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
