Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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