It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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