I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
