did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
