they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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