i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
