I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
