You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
