Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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