does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize