Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have post one night stand depression
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
