peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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