I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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