I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well you can't waste a boner
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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