I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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