i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
