and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
