I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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