that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
