Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
