I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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