Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
