we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
