you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
