I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
