I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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