he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
