Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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