Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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