the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
